SepticPen ...

you know its been a long time since you wrote your last post. to be frank, you had gotten yourself 'reset'. hard to explain it, but its similar to unlearning everything. so you somehow felt you shouldn't write another post until, you hit a problem.
    
Its not too hard for a problem to find you once you have reset. You work long days, cause when you lie down, you don't want to be able to think,you want sleep to find you easily.
But yesterday you couldn't sleep. Its back, those old days,when you were forced by life to stay awake at night without sleep to accept and recognize your existence and actions.At first its terrifying. you are afraid to peep inside. You know deep down you dont understand life. but some part of you wants to desperately understand it, and there is also a part which is scared of stumbling upon a possible truth. 


But you want to be at peace with yourself. its really late, in a few hours there will be sunlight. you can no longer lie down, your breathing is heavy,its almost as if you are breathing steel. But you are also tired. You sit up in your bed.


"Why? ... Nothing in life makes sense".The street light is flooding your room and You notice you are casting a long shadow across the floor. You look at it for sometime.... 'the constant companion'. Doesn't your shadow always follow you. is it not always less a feet away. An Old man once said the shadows are the greatest gift you could have asked for, it is the very form of 'Death'. that's how close death always is, less than a feet away.

Suddenly you are face to face with death, even though it had followed you for ever.It is no longer a stranger to you. A role that death plays for you is to remind you of how soon you are forgotten. You do much to impress yourselves upon the world, to make yourselves remembered, to stamp your existence.And yet, as Marcus Aurelius often reminds himself, after we die we are quickly forgotten. Our legacy is short in the larger time span of history.

"All of us are creatures of a day; the rememberer and the remembered alike" (Book 4, §35 ,Meditations of Marcus Aurelius).


If you have to be at peace with yourself, you have to prepare for things that are likely to remove that peace.

You might want to read my previous post titled “Evanescence”
http://septicpen.blogspot.com/2009/07/evanescence.html

Feel free to leave any comments & please tweet this post if you like it.

Yesterday Night , It was there, a sacred presence that filled the entire room.

It was very late when I had finished my work,I noticed a silence so beautiful that i dint feel like falling asleep even i was considerably exhausted. i was in touch with silence after a really long time. i marveled at the quietness of it like baby that is seeing a new face with a beautiful smile. I was suddenly filled with a feeling that cannot be expressed, or measured or compared to anything i had ever felt before. The brain can be quite dull at remembering such sacredness. I wasn't even sure if it was a feeling in the first place. Bliss may be a term that can come close and point at it.


It was nearly early dawn. I don't know how long i lay there totally absorbed in this silence. Not thinking, Not trying to tell my self the beauty of it. I was completely at one with it.


I know not when sleep came.
I know not which of the many peaceful gaps between the in and out breaths it choose to enter me.
But I had fallen asleep

I woke up early, only to find my mind was still filled by that silence that visited my room. It is said that the first thought you have as soon as you wake up is a continuation of the last thought u had before you slept.But strange as it were, I had no thoughts this day as i woke up, Just pure inner silence.


For the first time i was able to wake up to the presence of my true inner essence.